Not for the faint of heart or stomach.

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one's digestive system to dissolve the bonds which make up our food, and to assume the powers of the laws of nature. A decent respect is to be paid for the opinions of mankind's poop and it requires that all should declare the causes which impel them to take reading material to the bathroom.

I think that my mom and grandma's and probably my boyfriend would be mortified that I am writing this. But I have been jealous for so long that Jared gets to talk about poop on his blog and I know that it's because he is potty training his children but I am still jealous. And the other reason is that Chase put "Rachel Hamilton just pooped my pants" as my status on Facebook.



See! See all those comments! Everyone deep down loves poop. It is a universal thing, we all poop. We are supposed to appreciate the small things in life and some poops are small and some are monsters and depending on the day we are so grateful for these movements. (However diaper changing is a totally different issue.)

Now I am going to tell you a favorite childhood memory of Erica, my sister.

One day at her after-school daycare 5 year old Erica was listening to her favorite story during reading time when suddenly she was taken from the classroom and marched down the hall to the bathroom to where she could hear her screaming sister, Rachel. As the door opened she saw her sister butt naked and bright red from screaming. The teacher was flushing Rachel's panties and pants out by holding them in the toilet and flushing it.

Hang on a sec, who came up with this as the way to flush the poo out? It's a bit risky for my taste. Sorry back to the story.

Poor Erica had to console her little sister who thought that they were flushing part of her favorite outfit down the toilet never to be seen again. Finally they convinced the darling, confused child that her cute outfit was not being flushed away.

That my readers was the LAST time I pooped my pants. And for the record it wasn't my fault! I will tell you what happened. It was nap time and I got that feeling of discomfort that we all know. So I tried to go to the bathroom and the teacher stopped me and made me go back to my mat. Stupid lady! You should not mess with the forces of nature! Well because I was a good child or perhaps it was to spite the teacher I pooped my pants. The humiliation that followed is what has inspired me to never poop my pants again. There you go.

I really could go on and on about poop and someday I am going to publish my poop songs like this one:

Diarrhea to the tune of Mamma Mia

I was cheated by you
And I think you know when.
So I made up my mind, it must come to an end
Look at me now, will I ever learn?
I don't know how but I suddenly lose control
There's a fire within my hole
Just one push and I can feel my butt sting
One more cramp and I forget everything

Diarrhea, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
Diarrhea, will I go again
My My, just how much I've not missed you!
Yes, I've been broken-hearted
Blue since I sorta farted
Why, why did I ever let you go?
Diarrhea, now I really know
My my, I should not have let you go

I was happy not sad when I knew you were through
I can't count all the times I have cried over you

Look at me now
Will I ever learn
I don't know how
But I suddenly lose control
There's a fire within my hole.
Just one look and I can hear a bell ring
One more oops and there goes everything

oh no!

Diarrhea, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
Diarrhea, will I go again
My My, just how much I've not missed you!
Yes, I've been broken-hearted
Blue since I sorta farted
Why, why did I ever let you go?
Diarrhea, now I really know
My my, I should not have let you go

Okay now that I have that out of my system (I crack myself up) I better go get some homework done! Please if you feel this way about poop, let me know. And even better share your stories with me!